A Ton of Crap

It's time to start taking toilet time a little more seriously. (Well, as seriously as you can with your pants around your ankles.) What's inside is a digestible re-education in everything you probably learned, but most likely forgot because you have too much crap to remember. Don't worry though; the way the information's presented, the learning won't be too rough.

During every visit, you'll be schooled on five academic subjects: History, Language Arts, Math, Science, and Foreign Language. Each subject is broken down into topics, with each topic split into six mini-lessons, and finished off with a quick quiz. Think of each restroom trip as a day of middle school crammed into one bathroom break.

Now rather than idle away as you do your business, you'll be treated to a first-class education that finishes when you flush—and picks up again when you sit back down.