Do Anything I Shall Comment

Whatever, you do, I shall comment before you and behind you. Suppose you donate Rupees one hundred thousand to an orphanage, I shall tell you in front of you, ‘You have done a wonderful job!
Behind you I shall comment, ‘He has reduced the burden of black money!’
If your son gets a job, I shall say, ‘When I shall get sweets?’
Behind you, I shall say, ‘He must have bribed a hefty amount to the employer to get the job.’
When a few years ago, a 59 year old senior officer married a 30 year old spinster after death of his first wife., comment from his earlier boss (retired ten years ago): ‘What a lucky fellow! We are still looking at the same 65 year old vintage car, neither I can drive, nor anybody is willing to drive, not sure even about the engine whether it can be ignited or not!’