25 Questions to Ask Before Remarriage

Finding love the second time around can be exiting, challenging, frightening, joyous and full of promise. Remarriage after a divorce or the ending of another long term relationship can have different challenges that come hand in hand with the prior heart experiences still held in your memory.

You seek out different things in a mate. You seek out some of the same things you had in happier times in your previous relationship. Most importantly, you are willing to try again with this person because of who they are to you.

For some of us who are no longer in our teens and early twenties, we did not rely so heavily this time on fleeting good looks, slim figures, taunt muscles, inexperience with our emotions or popularity to help us choose a mate. Understanding that love, no matter how much you seek after it, how powerfully it pulls your heart strings, is often not strong enough to conquer nor overcome every emotional or relationship related issue. You may have already learned this lesson the hard way.

Some relationships fail to be long term with or without marriage certificates. Hopeful promises were made and future dreams shared before they ended with some promises that could not be kept or dreams that could be fully realized.

By reading this book and being willing to ask, answer, and discuss the hard questions before you are deeply committed to a potential news relationship you are showing that you are looking for tools to be successful in what, for some, is elusive: a long term loving relationship.

These short thought-provoking questions were created to help you as a couple talk through the issues that, if left unchecked, could destroy your long awaited relationship. Each question has space for each of you to write your thoughts if you choose to. Some questions may sound silly to you in the context of your life experience. Some may make you laugh. Some answers given by your partner could upset you. Other answers could result in the assurance you are both in total agreement on the topic. Ask!

Listening is the key. Do not get distracted formulating your response while the other person is still talking. You cannot listen and formulate a response at the same time.

Be realistic. If your partner is 100% passionate about an issue and you are barely 5%, can you be supportive and do it his/her way with ease? Can your chosen one give his/her blessing when you are 80% passionate and he/she is 50% either way? Can you meet somewhere in the middle that is agreeable to both of you? Do you intend to really do your best trying to compromise as conflicts arise? Do you already compromise easily? Is even thinking about working out a compromise in a discussion difficult for you?

Do not try to do all 25 questions in the same marathon session. Take the time needed listening and being heard. Here are some quick, simple ideas on how to approach the twenty-five questions in the following chapters:

One question a day will take a little less than a month to cover all 25.

Make slips of paper numbered from 1 to 25. Put them in a jar or bowl. You will each pull one slip at a time out of a jar at random per session. The final session is three questions. This will take you 12 sessions.

Doing one chapter at a time will take you nine sessions.

There is no question that is off limits for discussion. Every question should be answered by both individuals.

I grouped the questions in sections allowing you to choose where to start if my suggested format is not your priority. These sections are not necessarily in order of importance. They are compiled in this order only to help you easily move through a variety of broad relationship areas.

There is no magic scoring key at the end that you can flip to first and see how compatible you are. The only scorecard is the mental one you create from the deeper understanding I hope this book helps you to have as a takeaway while you enrich your knowledge about your partner.