Mating In Captivity Insights

The must-read analysis of the key insights from "Mating In Captivity" by Esther Perel — presented by Athena.

Looking to keep the heat in your marriage? The answer isn’t increased closeness and intimacy but rather opening up some distance to fuel the flames of desire.

In her two decades as a couples therapist, Esther Perel has seen time and time again just how rare it is for good sex and long-term relationships to co-exist. But, as Perel tells it, exciting sex isn't out of reach for anyone — even those in committed, long-term relationships. Perel's explanations and suggestions are savvy and straightforward, and will have you looking at love and sex in a whole new light.

Is it possible to keep the passion alive in a long-term relationship? If so, how?

These are question most couples in a committed relationship have asked themselves at some point. And according to psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel, the answers we come up with are often too easy and therefore unreliable. That’s because, as Perel makes clear in her bestselling book "Mating in Captivity," we tend to overlook the central paradox of love — that is, intimacy thrives on closeness and connection while desire is fueled by distance. So forget the tropes we use to explain a diminished libido, such as we’re too busy, too tired, or too stressed for sex.

In place of these simple narratives, Perel invites readers to dig deeper into the ways modern culture shapes our views on sex.