We rely on science to tell us everything from what to eat to when and how long to exercise, but what about relationships? Is there a scientific explanation for why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle? According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, the answer is a resounding "yes."
In Attached, Levine and Heller reveal how an understanding of adult attachment-the most advanced relationship science in existence today-can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways:
Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving.
In this book Levine and Heller guide readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love.
According to psychiatrist and neuroscientist Levine and social psychologist Heller, one's adult romantic partnerships have patterns similar to those one has as a child with one's parents. Our individual attachment styles are thus, they conclude, hardwired into our brains. Focusing on three main attachment styles (secure, anxious, and avoidant), the authors explain the biological facts behind our relationship needs, teach readers how to identify their own and loved ones' attachment styles, and warn of the emotional price of connecting with someone with drastically different intimacy needs. Teaching readers communication skills to breach these differences, the authors stress that people have very different capacities for intimacy, and that partners must ensure each other's emotional well-being. Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of "looking for love in all the right places" and improving existing relationships.
Customer ReviewsSee All
Described my relationship perfectly
I'm anxious and my wife is avoidant. The examples and descriptions in this book were 95% accurate around how I feel and very accurate around what I perceive my wife is feeling. If she reads this book I think we can repair our marriage and bring back the happy days we had in the first couple of years. I feel that early on we both managed to care for each other's emotional well being but as life stresses added up (baby, money, move to another state, college, etc) we started to fall back on our natural dispositions and things have spiraled down in the vicious cycle that anxious-avoidant relationships have. Thank you for clearly expressing this theory. In my opinion it is spot on.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend and didn't understand why some of the tatics I used hurt her. I thought jealousy was part of the game. I was very upset if she didn't return my texts or calls right away when she was hanging with her friends. I thought this was a normal reaction. Then I found this book and read it in a week. It has not only helped me with my romantic life but also with relationships with friends and family. I'll probably re-read this several times over.
Game changer for any and all relationships
So grateful for this book. Can’t believe it was only a few clicks away all this time. It gave me the real answers and even closure I didn’t know I needed. This should be required reading for all.