Attack of the Chicago Cubs Bleacher Bums

Inspired by the 1979 Chicago White Sox, Harry Caray, Jimmy Pearsall, Mae West, Donald Trump (pre-president), Rupert Murdoch and Disco Demolition Night, The Attack of the Chicago Cubs Bleacher Bums is a not-so-far-fetched farce about a baseball team turned entertainment spectacle. Tabloid tycoon, Vladimir Murdoch’s motto is, “At the end of the game, the one with the most money wins.” During a major league baseball players’ strike, he buys the Chicago Cubs and replaces the strikers with eccentric, freakily gifted minor leaguers with great celebrity “Q Score” potential. His sultry, shifty PR maven, Mona McCloud, has the showmanship of P.T. Barnum.

Soon, anything “Chicago Cubs” is up for sale to advertisers, from NASCAR-style uniform advertising to logos on bases to Wrigley Field’s hallowed name. The PR sideshows, extreme players, even the two combative broadcasters wind up in a bid for the pennant with a startling winning streak and record butts in the bleachers.

Can an ex-con’s swinging Ninja Bat accidentally “brush” pitchers off the mound? Does Tourette’s excuse foul behavior? Can a six-fingered programmer pitch new tricks? Will Psychic Night play in Vegas? Can the two announcers just get along? Will Mona McCloud get her bonus and cabana boys? Can the Smashing Pumpkins quell a riot while the Weinermobile flees the scene? In the end, can a shy nobody, Fred Finder, prevent Wrigley Field from becoming a shopping mall and save America’s pastime?