Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist
How to End the Drama and Get On with Life
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- $31.99
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- $31.99
Publisher Description
People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders have a serious mental illness that primarily affects their intimate, personal, and family relationships. Often they appear to be normally functioning at work and in public interactions, and Narcissists may even be highly effective, in the short term, in some work or social situations. However, in intimate relationships, they can be emotional, aggressive, demeaning, illogical, paranoid, accusing, and controlling—in the extreme. Their ability to function normally or pleasantly can suddenly change in an instant, like flipping a switch. These negative behaviors don’t happen once in a while, they happen almost continuously in their intimate relationships and most often, and especially with their Caretaker family member.
Here, Margalis Fjelstad describes how people get into a Caretaker role with a Borderline or Narcissist, and how they can get out. Caretakers give up their sense of self to become who and what the Borderline or Narcissist needs them to be. This compromises the Caretaker’s self-esteem, distorts their thinking processes, and locks them into a Victim-Persecutor-Rescuer pattern with the Borderline or Narcissist. The book looks at the underlying rules and expectations in these relationships and shows Caretaker’s how to move themselves out of these rigid interactions and into a healthier, more productive, and positive lifestyle—with or without the Borderline/Narcissistic partner or family member. It describes how to get out of destructive interactions with the Borderline or Narcissist and how to take new, more effective actions to focus on personal wants, needs, and life goals while allowing the Borderline or Narcissist to take care of themselves. It presents a realistic, yet compassionate, attitude toward the self-destructive nature of these relationships, and gives real life examples of how individuals have let go of their Caretaker behaviors with creative and effective solutions.
Customer Reviews
Fair and professional
For the most part. The author does conflate BPD and NPD more often than necessary, but the advice and guidance more than make up for that. It’s important to know there are different levels of dysfunction with BPD/NPD affected people, and while the author touches on this, a great deal of effort is spent describing the worst cases.
Still, an enlightening read to help open the eyes to further professional therapy work.
Finally
I could not figure out what my partner had until I was told by a therapist about this possibility. I am beginning to put these practices into work. It’s scary at first because of all the threats the BPD lobbies against you. This books has great tips for getting out of the caretaker role.
on point
easy to read, very helpful and accurate. Gives a good overview of the cause and ways to deal