The Quest for Intimacy

Regardless of nationality, ideology, religion, education, or technological prowess, humans the world over want basically the same thing, which is to love and be loved. Yet, we modern humans spend most of our lifetimes pursuing wealth and privilege. Is there a connection between our pursuit of wealth, and our loss of intimacy? To grasp what it is, we need to understand the nature of love.

Humans have created a world in which we are each personally responsible for our own future. Having become habituated to that “reality,” we see it as natural. Indeed, how could life work without each individual assuming responsibility for their own future? Yet, no being on earth—human or otherwise—saw itself as being personally responsible for its entire future, until very recently in evolutionary time, around ten to fifteen thousand years ago.

Back when we humans lived in intimacy, we lived in the moment. Comfort, support, and security were found in our intimate relationships, not in our ability to realize personal plans, goals and dreams. Now, having created a world in which we are personally responsible for our own futures, we have lost the sense of intimacy and interdependence which our distant ancestors once took for granted, and through which their spiritual needs found complete satisfaction.

Can humans, today, regain that sense of oneness with life, in which the wellbeing of those around us is as important to us as our own? I believe we can. But we would have to get past the idea that success is the measure of our ability to control our future. By accumulating wealth, we can control our future regarding material needs—to some extent. But we cannot control our future regarding “spiritual wealth,” by flimsy abstractions, such as promises of undying love:

Love is an expression of the soul. It is not subject to promises. It is our reward for being true to life in our immediate relationships. Love lives in the moment, or it doesn’t live at all.