Addicted to a journey to pathless paths

I feel by a life time ... that whatever direction i choose ... i am actually on a pathless path.
And ... i hate it.
That is probably i keep writing ... so that i can understand better what is going on.
Well ... the funny thing is that today i am conscious about this non ending show.
I clearly see ... reality itself.
I don't have anymore the excuse of suffering of that spiritual blindness ... i've used to suffer.
And still ... i continue being into that position of simply not taking any decision at all.
Because ...
Well ... i heard people saying that i am actually addicted to those pathetic pathless paths.
Aha ...
But ... i've always denied it .... claiming it's not really true
and still i've continued ...coming up with all sorts of
excuses ... just to confuse everyone around ... so that i can do the same thing ... to waste my existence.
In continuous form.
Being ... nothing than ... a fool.
And a loser.
Of course ... one with philosophical tendencies.