Lieutenant Russel Martin served as the Platoon Commander for a zombie outbreak response team deployed to Miercurea-Ciuc, Romania in 2005 and barely survived the incident. In this incident report, retired USMC Captain Van Allen, a special operations trained combat officer, recounts the zombie outbreak response incident, unloads his expert level knowledge of zombie outbreaks, and shares recently declassified information to help you get ready for and survive a zombie apocalypse. Forget most of what you think you know about zombies based on Hollywood movies, TV shows, and video games. What you don’t know will get you and everyone else killed. In this public service announcement, Captain Allen delivers the unfiltered and uncensored harsh reality of surviving a real zombie outbreak. Keep one fact in mind as you read Captain Allen’s PSAs. Surviving a zombie apocalypse is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid. If you want to live, read this, learn this, and ignore most of what you see or read anywhere else, before it’s too late. When the fecal matter impacts the rotating aerial oscillator and you find yourself up to your eyeballs in flesh eating zombies and lunatic apocalypse hooligans, you’ll be glad you took every chance you could to read every one of these definitive zombie apocalypse preparation PSAs you could get your hands on. It’s not too late, yet.